you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
