So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
