how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
