why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
