turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
