I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
