I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
