walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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