i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
