Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
