I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
