Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
