Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
