There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
