Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
