I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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