why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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