my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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