A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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