We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
