Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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