roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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