Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
