He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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