just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
