Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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