based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
