Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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