Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who died my cat blue again?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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