Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
