Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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