I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
