Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
