I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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