I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
