Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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