Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
