It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
