using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
