your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When did angry sex become our thing?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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