do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Your tits are I can't wait for
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
