just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
