how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Alive.
So much puke
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
