How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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