you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
