I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
