My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
