I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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