I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
