Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My dick has a subreddit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
