It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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