i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
