Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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