Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
