Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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