i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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