Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
