the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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