Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
