I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
