If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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