What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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