dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You took a bar mat shot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
