i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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